at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
