Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
