Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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