he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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