found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
