I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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