Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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