Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
