dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The police scanner is talking about you again....
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Randomize