wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
