Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
