Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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