Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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