Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
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