I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
