I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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