Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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