I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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