I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
