I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
