dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
It's like God shit irony all over that family
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
