all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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