i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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