trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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