I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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