TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Randomize
