it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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