cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You're like the curious george of whores
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
