so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
