He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
