Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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