nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
