I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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