Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
