Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
