How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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