Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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