he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
