1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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