I wannas sexs uuuuu
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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