I need help removing her.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
