I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
