What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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