I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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