uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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