Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
