This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
