I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
