I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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