Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
