her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize