Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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