seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
