she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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