I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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