discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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