Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
