The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Randomize
