I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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