Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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