i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
