I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
