he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize