and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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