I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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