I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
