Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
